Belly fat stalkers / by Susie Lubell

Are the belly fat people following you too? You know who I'm talking about? These banner ads on Hotmail and wherever else (rather EVERYWHERE else) talking about how I lost 4 lbs. of belly fat by obeying one old rule. And the ad shows some chubby woman's midsection atop another, likely altogether different, woman's svelte midsection. And it's endorsed by ABC, Oprah, CNN and the Today Show. Sometimes Ellen too. And the ad is so cheap! I mean they are clearly spending a boat load of money to fly this bunch of ads all over the place and couldn't spend a hundred bucks for a designer to pump up the pixels a little? What gives? Who are these people? Who do they think they're kidding? And for the love of ginger, STOP FOLLOWING ME!

Because it's working. I'm starting to feel bad about myself. Never mind that from the moment I turned 35 my metabolism all but came to a complete standstill. Never mind that my clothes are all tight including my designer jeans that I got for $15 which now make me look like a stuffed sausage. Forget all that. I'm just wondering what piece of information these people have that's making them bombard me with "lose belly fat" messaging. Is it because they know I had babies? Because they know I'm between the age of 29 and 39? Because they know I love Nutella?

Curiosity got the best of me so I googled "lose belly fat obey one rule" and I found this blog posting on Cranky Fitness which made me laugh my ass off. Then I no longer had to wonder, maybe it is that easy. Maybe I can just melt away five years of radical weight gain and loss? Alas, it is a giant scam. Obviously. I knew this. But still needed to verify. So that's it belly people. The jig is up! I'm on to you. I googled and I won. So now it's time for some other ads to follow this mommy. Like ones for vacations or spas or a free yoga class in my neighborhood.

Back off belly fat.