Time Out / by Susie Lubell

Mirror

When I was working with my life coach last year, reading through the book Creating a Life Worth Living by Carol Lloyd, we spent one of our sessions (this was a group thing) discussing our issues surrounding time and money deciding which was more difficult to reconcile.  I find both time and money to be elusive. And both stress me out. But today I realized which one has me by the balls.

I was driving to IKEA for the third time this week because I have been using their Ribba frames to sell my work in retail shops. I spruce up the back with some craft paper and add a sawtooth. Everyone's happy. Except me. Because these frames suck. They are always scratched or have a dent and you never notice until you've unwrapped them. So I was exchanging yet another frame. But they don't open until 10:00 and I drop my kids at 9:00 so I tried to run a handful of other errands, with greater and lesser degrees of success. After a trip to Kohl's (exchange pajama pants to accommodate my ever-increasing backside), Sears (get new bathroom rug because old bathrug has been deemed biohazard by the County Department of Health), and Peet's (self-explanatory), I managed to get to IKEA, exchange my frame and drive home via Anthropologie to get the discounted knobs I wanted to bling up an old dresser.  As I'm driving home and watching the clock, I start to feel what I can only describe as a full blown anxiety attack. That pulling sensation on your chest. And that slight constriction in your throat. Because I know I now have only an hour and a half to get the days work done before I have to pick up my kids from preschool. And all progress ceases.

Plus my studio is still in disarray. It was better when all of our stuff was still in our bedroom. I find that I can sleep just fine in a mess, but I have a lot of trouble working in a mess. And I've been sitting on the framing order for over two weeks. And I still need to find swim lessons for my son. And buy tickets to Albuquerque for August. Plus my friend's house was broken into and they took her computer and I am imagining how I would be basically out of business if someone took my computer or it died of natural causes because I have not backed up anything (first order of business for tomorrow - must back up to external hard drive AND external server). Tick. Tick. Tick.

Money comes and goes. But time only goes. Faster and faster every day.